Seeking Safety: Navigating Generalized Anxiety as a Musician
By Francesca Leo
Flute player Francesca Leo shares her journey with anxiety, leading to a diagnosis of generalised anxiety disorder
Being a musician with anxiety can feel isolating. I have experienced symptoms of anxiety for as long as I can remember. While these symptoms have alway presented challenges, they started to feel out of control the further I progressed with my flute playing, and the higher the pressure felt with each performance, audition, and competition I participated in.
The anxiety I was experiencing significantly held me back from progressing. At its worst, I would have moments where my mind would go completely blank during performances. This would cause me to make mistakes that had never happened before, and often cause me to completely lose my place in the music. Fortunately, most of these instances were recovered, but the feeling of having failed or let down my audience remained. When these moments occurred, I would go back into the practice room for hours after a concert, practicing until very late at night until I felt I was “worthy” of taking a break. The more mistakes I made, the more anxious I felt; and the more anxious I felt, the more practicing I did. This vicious cycle played a significant role in worsening my already present performance-related pain, and at the time I had no idea how to manage it or where to even begin.
Understanding Anxiety
Those who suffer from severe anxiety are often more vulnerable when in situations of receiving criticism and feedback. As music educators, we can learn a lot from looking to other industries on ways to present feedback in both a trauma-informed and anxiety-informed manner. This can be especially challenging for those who are unfamiliar with the feeling of anxiety, but the first step to understanding and empathizing with anxiety symptoms is knowing that safety is our brain’s number one priority. Once we recognize that, it becomes easier to understand that individuals with anxiety often find themselves living in a constant state of “fight or flight.” Their brains are constantly scanning for perceived threats, and tend to react more strongly to anything that has the potential of threatening their sense of safety (Mental Health Conditions, 2022; Schulz, 2022). This may include feeling like they did a bad job on their performance based on one or two mistakes, and bracing themselves for the “punishment” that they anticipate when receiving feedback about the performance. This constant sense of fear can often lead to extreme and unexpected reactions in situations where it does not necessarily feel appropriate or prompted.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is a form of anxiety disorder that “usually involves a persistent feeling of anxiety or dread, which can interfere with daily life. It is not the same as occasionally worrying about things or experiencing anxiety due to stressful life events. People living with GAD can experience frequent anxiety for months, if not years” (US Department of Human and Health Services, 2022).
I was officially diagnosed with GAD this past year. From the NIMH description above, individuals who have GAD or Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) are often living in constant fear of being judged or criticized, and this can contribute to a feeling of being constantly under attack. Findings from a 2016 study demonstrate that while individuals with GAD or SAD typically learn better and more efficiently when receiving negative feedback, they are often hypersensitive to this type of feedback and tend to approach these situations with avoidance behaviors to try and reduce the amount of negative feedback they will receive (Abushalbaq, Herzallah, Gluck, Imam, Khdour, Moustafa & Mughrabi, 2016).
In the context of private music lessons, this could indicate that students with GAD or SAD may over-prepare and over-practice for their lessons in order to avoid the amount of negative feedback they may receive, which can contribute to injury, physical and mental exhaustion, and burnout. (As an important disclaimer, it is strongly recommended to seek professional help if you are experiencing consistent symptoms of an anxiety disorder or find the symptoms you are experiencing difficult to manage).
Navigating Anxiety
As a love letter to my past self and to others who may be reading this and relating, here are some things I have learned that have helped me navigate my anxiety both inside and outside of the practice room. Disclaimer: this has taken me years and years to figure out, and everyone’s journey is different:
Practicing with intention: focusing on quality over quantity. Aim to release the standards that have been ingrained about how many hours we need to be practicing each day, and instead focus on approaching challenging passages with mindfulness and curiosity – along with cultivating a greater sense of self-confidence and self-trust in your abilities. This can be done through various efficient practicing strategies as well as methods of practicing away from your instrument to allow yourself a physical break.
Practicing self-compassion whenever possible: This helps us to build a greater sense of self-confidence which can serve as a tool to help us receive feedback in an objective manner and protect our sense of self-worth in the process.
Normalize mistakes and view them as great learning opportunities rather than personal shortcomings: Being taught to fear mistakes contributes to feeling a lack of safety, while being taught to embrace them supports our humanity and allows us to learn from them.
Approach your practice sessions with curiosity above self-criticism: implement neutral self-talk as you are able to, viewing any mistakes objectively and from a place of curiosity rather than judgment.
Our culture doesn’t make it easy for individuals with anxiety to thrive. While we can seek individual treatment if we have access to resources, there are many systemic issues that must be addressed in order to begin cultivating a safer and more empowering environment for all. The following concepts can help us begin to achieve this within our own communities:
Emphasize compassion and empathy above harsh criticism when teaching. Recognize that each student carries individual life experiences and therefore will react to each situation differently. Recognize that objective feedback is often more effective than harsh and negative criticism, and can help the student learn in an objective manner that is less harmful to their self-confidence.
Conduct and offer trauma-informed trainings for music teachers at the beginning of each school year, including being able to recognize common triggers and trauma reactions and ways to manage and support them in students
Conduct emotional intelligence training sessions for teachers, conductors, and administrative leaders. This can help in learning ways to articulate feedback in a more compassionate way, helping to cultivate an environment of safety and support
While offering feedback, lead with something positive and address criticism in an objective manner, avoiding any form of personal attack. If difficulty receiving feedback is a consistent challenge for a particular student, focus on addressing what might be contributing or going on in the student’s life.
Normalize mental health conditions and disorders and provide contact information or referrals to local mental health professionals. This helps increase awareness of the resources that are available within the students’ community.
Considering the high rates of mental health challenges that musicians experience (with a 2018 survey demonstrating that half of musicians reported feeling down, depressed, or hopeless compared to less than a quarter of the general adult population reporting these feelings), it is crucial to prioritize the mental health of our students and colleagues (The Trustees of Princeton University, 2018).
When we are able to cultivate a sense of compassion towards others regardless of our different backgrounds and life experiences, we begin to build a sense of trust and safety in our personal relationships which, in turn, helps to foster deeper connections in musical collaboration and contribute to personal and community growth. Music is an extension of our humanity, and nurturing both ourselves and our community with compassion, empathy, and care paves a path to a limitless future of self-expression, creation, and fulfillment.
Francesca Leo (she/her)
I am a professional flutist, arts administrator, and performing arts health advocate. As the founder of http://www.playingwithoutpain.com, I am committed to connecting musicians with resources to treat and prevent performance-related injuries and maintain their mental health. I've struggled with chronic anxiety for my entire life and have experienced several rounds of performance-related injuries.
I hold two degrees in classical flute performance and a master of business administration (MBA). I hope that by sharing my story and the research I've done on the prevalence of performance-related injuries and the stress connection in collegiate musicians, that I can help change the narrative for musicians experiencing injuries or mental health challenges and increase access to resources for all. I love the work TMDTA is doing, and I'm so grateful to Hattie and Rebecca for creating a supportive and community-oriented space for these important discussions to take place.
In association with the Royal Society of Musicians
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Khdour, H. Y., Abushalbaq, O. M., Mughrabi, I. T., Imam, A. F., Gluck, M. A., Herzallah, M. M., & Moustafa, A. A. (2016, June 29). Generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder, but not panic anxiety disorder, are associated with higher sensitivity to learning from negative feedback: Behavioral and Computational Investigation. Frontiers in integrative neuroscience. Retrieved November 28, 2022, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4925696/
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